The Holidays Strike Back: Part I (a.k.a. Sometimes Co-Workers Come Back For More)

Why, hello again, friendly internets!

Agh, "stay tuned" indeed. I've neglected this blog: yes, it's true. All on account of I lost my notes for the rest of the Japanese food. It's kind of tragic, really. I swear that it will never happen again.

Moving on!

I thought I'd learned my lesson after last year... and yet, I found myself at Target for minor supplies and there they were, just sitting there on the shelves. One left of dinner, one left of dessert. They beckoned. You need us, they whispered to me, and we need you. I nodded, as if in a trance induced by ester gums and food colorings, and before I knew what was what, each box was resting comfortably in my shopping cart. What can I say: I'm a sucker for holiday punishment.

We're back, baby.

STAGE ONE: DINNER ROLL SODA


My co-worker power couple Carrie and Richard participated in my beverage carnage last year. Apparently both suffer from some kind of mental disorder, because they asked if they could get in on it again now, the next time we had a shift together.



Technically the old stand-by Turkey and Gravy should have been first on the menu, but I didn't have the heart to subject anyone to Turkey soda at 9:00 on a Sunday morning. That's cruel and unusual, and we ran the risk of being too sick to work, so instead we jumped right in with the Buttered dinner roll flavor. Richard wasn't technically "working" so much as "loitering around the store after giving Carrie a ride to work," so we sent him for ice from the sandwich shop next door while we waited for Sol, our framer who pushes the boundaries of "fashionably late."



There was no recommended wine list this time, unfortunately, so we armed ourselves with coffee and read the label to get some idea of what to expect.

INGREDIENTS: Carbonated water, salt, artificial flavors, glucono delta lactone (acidulant), sodium benzoate and potassium sorbate (as preservatives), sucralose (a nonnutrative sweetener), caramel color, citric acid, modified food starch, ester gum, medium chain triglyceride, yellow 5.

Main ingredients: carbonated water and salt. It should also be noted that one bottle of this soda provides 12% of your daily sodium intake. Well, all right then...



I don't mean fruit in a good, tasty, appetizing way though; more like fruit that's starting to turn, not sweet so much as sickly. Of course, we wouldn't know until we actually tried it.



Then it hit. BLAM.



How bad was it really? It's kind of a toss-up. On the one hand, it wasn't an abject abomination of the senses; on the other hand, I can safely cross Dinner Roll soda off the menu at my next sophisticated ladies' luncheon social. On a misery scale of one to ten, I'd put this squarely at five. In fact...

DESPAIR:

Right as I prepared to throw out the bottle, I checked for any fortune cookie wisdom. I smiled as I read the inside of the lid, for it warmed my heart.



But hey, why should you believe what I write? Especially when you can experience it first hand in mind-blowing high-fidelity stereo and dazzlingly low-resolution camera-quality video? Oh yes, this thread is kicking it up a notch, YouTube style. Impressed much? I know I am!



OH, SNAP! Technology!!! I do so less-than-three the technology.

So I'm doing one every three days, all month long. Stay tuned on the 4th. Who knows which crazy flavor we'll break into next?! Not even me!!! IT'S A MYSTERY!!!