Snacks From the Land of Woes: Part II (Lust)

SECOND CIRCLE OF HELL: LOBSTER CRACKERS

After having conquered the jackfruit chips, we were quickly out of meatless or predictable delights and it was time to move on to the fish-like substances. The lobster crackers seemed as good a place to start as any, so we dimmed the lights and burned some incense and got down to the business of seeing if classic aphrodisiac food still works in flavoured-cracker-snack form.



I suppose if that whole middle-school myth about green M&Ms holds any truth, there might be something to the aspect of the green lobster, but no matter how you slice it, what we found in the bag next totally killed our mood.



What the hell?



That's always what you want to find in your food, isn't it? A bag of poison moisture-repellant mothballs that says "do not eat"? Oh don't be silly, of course it is!

Not that it was going to deter us or anything. Poison doesn't make it taste bad, does it? Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.



They say graham crackers were invented to stave off lust through the power of repetitive chewing motion and mild blandness. Perhaps lobster crackers are the anti-Lobster Tail? I guess in that case, at least if we died from the mothballs, we wouldn't go to hell...



Hot damn, not bad! I mean, certainly not eyebrow-raising, but not horendous either. But... again? Twice in a row? How could we possibly be so lucky?! It was a relative cake walk, this whole taste-testing thing. Under these circumstances, we rushed ravenously at the third item of our list. If only we'd known that we were rushing into the Preserved Mangoes with Chili..... of DOOM.