Conquering the Holidays: Part I (a.k.a. Hello, internets!)

Hellooooooooooooooo internet!

It's about time I started a real blog, without the words "live" or "dead" or "journal" or "myspace" attached to them. Not that this is going to be another diary, per se. This will be the 'zine I never had. Or, should I say, am about to have. Hence, the name, taken from my one-issue-run 'zine from high school. Comics, stories, and general dorkiness, all here, and all in one convenient package. It's a little rough around the edges right now -- I apologize. I'm still trying to figure this out.

BUT FIRST! I'm on a mission from the god of masochism and I'm taking you all with me, on a wild adventure through the mysterious gastronomical delights of novelty soda. Yes, I've read the reviews. I've been forewarned. But they were calling to me, calling with their fancy packaging and their fizzy pretty colors and their proceeds going to charity. So in the interest of science and ten dollars, I had no choice but to buy my very own Limited Edition 2005 Jones Soda Holiday Pack box.



OH, SNAP!

Now, once you own one of these kinds of things, there's really nothing left to do except consume it on the internet and post about it at your own expense, so today I busted out the box and my continuous-shot camera and got down to business. I thought about what the first thing I tear into is when I sit down for Thanksgiving dinner, and the obvious answer was: the turkey. Therefore, this is what I've started with.

STAGE ONE: TURKEY AND GRAVY SODA

The fascinating thing is that they supply you with a wine list. Jones Soda Inc. recommended a rich pinot noir to compliment the lighter meat flavor of their Turkey and Gravy soda. Who was I to argue?



That, folks, is the Dinner of Champions. I threw that sucker in the freezer for fifteen minutes, just to get it nice and properly chilled. I know that you eat regular turkey hot, but something about the thought of hot turkey soda just made my stomach churn right then and there -- I have no idea why -- so I decided to go with the more familiar frosty cold soda.



It didn't explode when I opened it, nor did my face melt off á la Raiders of the Lost Ark. So, I pressed on.



Promising! A new favorite, perhaps?



Okay, okay, but as long as you hold it in your mouth, swish it around for appreciation, and then spit it out, it's tolerable. So I did that a couple times. But to really really really get the flavor of something, you have to swallow.



Dear God, what have I done? And this is only just the beginning. I still have four more flavors to get through, and I'm going to be a good sport and do them all. Stay tuned for next time, when I go head-to-head with Wild Herb Stuffing!